If I was conducting a survey and asked all of you whether you would rather be confident or insecure the rest of your life, I would be wasting my time. Nobody wants to be insecure. Nobody likes to feel insignificant. Nobody wants to always question or compare themselves. Nobody enjoys avoiding life or just watching it go by. Nobody desires to sabotage their own success. Nobody can handle being self-absorbed 24/7. And yet the land of insecurity is where so many of us women live, both young and old.
However, most of us have never been given a map or directions on how to get out of the land of insecurity. There aren’t any education courses out there titled “Becoming Confident 101.” Nor do I know of any reality TV show called Miss Confident Woman.
So where or how do we start? Let’s start with the definition.
Confidence is defined by Webster as “the feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of one’s reliance on circumstances; the quality or state of being certain.”
Don’t be mistaken! When we talk about being confident, we are not talking about arrogance, superiority, having an overbearing personality, being a know-it-all, or being pushy…but we are talking about “being certain.”
“Being certain” of what is the key question?
Over time, I’ve gained my own conclusion of what we need to be certain of in order to be confident women. I believe a confident woman can say:
• I am certain of who I am
• I am certain of who God is
• I am certain of who I am in God
• I am certain of what I need to change in order to become all God intends me to be
Answering these questions take time and soul searching, which honestly, in our culture of busyness and superficiality, doesn’t happen. Only you can courageously look in the mirror and the Word of God to ask yourself these questions, as well as figure out the answers. But ladies, when you can rattle off the answers with conviction to each of these questions at any given time, watch out! There is one beautiful, confident woman on the loose!
You have to know why this issue for women is so close to my heart — it’s because I have lived it. I had a huge dwelling place in this land of feeling worthless, invaluable, and ugly. Growing up, I felt like the poster child for insecurity and like I ran the advertising for all the mistakes “to do” in order to make it worse. But God lead me on a journey through answering each of these 4 questions and growing me to the place that I am absolutely certain of each answer. I no longer question them. That doesn’t mean I never battle thoughts or feelings of insecurity, but God sets me straight pretty quickly by anchoring me to what I know to be true.
Let me offer you a road map of questions that will help you find the answers needed in order to leave the land of insecurity for good.
I am certain of who I am.
So, who are you? If you know yourself well, then you should be able to rattle off the answers to the following questions.
What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses? What most motivates you in life? What triggers stress for you? What type of confronter are you and how do you handle conflict? What do you need most from your relationships? What are your spiritual gifts and favorite ways to use them? What are your core values? What kind of a woman, wife, mother do you desire to be? How do you desire to influence and impact this world? What do you want your legacy to be?
Knowing yourself is not only an essential life skill, but it is necessary for security.
I am certain of who God is.
How well do you really know your God and His heart? Can you introduce Him to others? Are these easy blanks for you to fill in?
God has proved Himself faithful to me when He _____. I would explain God’s holiness as His _____. God’s love can’t be embraced without understanding His _____. God is most passionate about _____. The 7 things God says He hates are ______. The only sin that God can’t forgive is _____. God absolutely loves it when I _____. God wants me to view this world as _____. God thinks it is far more important that I _____ rather than _____. God would rather me be _____ than _____.
Please note the God is beyond my blanks, beyond our minds, and beyond the time we have on earth to come to know completely. He is beyond all. There is none besides Him. And yet, He longs to be known by us. Ladies, we love Him by making every effort to get to know Him better.
I am certain of who I am in God.
Your identity in Christ Jesus as His child is the foundation of every choice you make. You must take the time to dig into the pages of Scripture and discover every facet of your identity in Him. Here are a few websites that could help you get started — but please don’t let them do the work for you. Look up each passage surrounding the verse and study it.
Never forget that your life should not determine you identity, but that your identity should determine your life.
I am certain of what I need to change in order to become all God intends me to be .
If you are aware of who you are, who God is, and who you are in God, the gaps in your life that don’t match your Christ-given identity become very clear. You now must open your eyes to where you are not making healthy or holy choices. You even ask others to help you recognize the patterns of unbelief and habitual sin that need to be dealt with. You spend time with God begging the Holy Spirit to search our heart and make you aware of immature or rebellious issues that need to be addressed. You can use Galatians 5 to check in how Spirit-controlled you are living or 1 Corinthians 13 to check in how well you are loving.
Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to changing and growing so that you an be all you were created to be.
No more excuses for living in the land of insecurity. Grab the road map, spend a whole lot of time with God, and let His truth lead you out of there.
Just remember that confidence isn’t perfection or arrival. It’s being certain of who you and where you are going.
Come on, find the confidence you were born to live with.